he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
