did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
not ubering you a puppy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
