dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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