I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I came so hard my ears popped.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
