i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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