If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
