guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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