It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
