Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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