STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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