Yo dont text me then not text me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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