I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
