every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
