i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
