She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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