wanna go halves on a baby?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
COCAINE IS GR8
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
