he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How does one acquire holy water?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
