did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize