No, drunk sperm still make babies.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
