He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize