I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
