I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
