My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
