two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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