Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
