Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
