I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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