he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
