Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
