Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
