Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
