I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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