so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
