Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
