**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
