Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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