I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
a search helicopter?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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