looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
