So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am one with the molecules
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
