I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
