just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
