Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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