i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So squirting runs in the family.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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