He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
