i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
