Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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