if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
