Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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