after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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