Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
