Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
