He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We need to get me chipped asap
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize