We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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