She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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