You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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