hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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