I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
