Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
