thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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