I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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