hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
