It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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