A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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