ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
