Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
