Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
