Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
