remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
