I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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