I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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