You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize