I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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