theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
