Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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