Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drunk is not a location!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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