I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
