Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize