do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize