too bad you live with your parents still
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
