You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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