I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
