Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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