nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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