Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
