I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
