Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
