i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
