Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
