i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can't talk, ducks in the car
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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