Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this is an emotional support booty call
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize