3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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