it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
