i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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