hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
